Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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