Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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