If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
