I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
