Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
