i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
