This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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