you have to choose: penises or morals?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
