paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
