Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
