I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
