after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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