Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
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