i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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