Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
