He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
