You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
