I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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