why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I don't deserve a penis
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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