i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize