drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
