if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
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