no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
