***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
