Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
