I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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