They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I believe in your delicious
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
