hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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