i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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