i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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