No awkward lesbian experiences without me
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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