Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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