Christians are straight up FREAKS
I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
