I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
