I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
