I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
