I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
