so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
