Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
