so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
