I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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