Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
