Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
