I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
