I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
