I looked at my own cervix.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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