I heard we made out
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
