the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
