I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
