singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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