My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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