So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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