I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
