Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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