it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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