He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
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