you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
