ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
