God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
