I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
