**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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