She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
