I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
