I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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