He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Randomize
