Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dick has a subreddit
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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