my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
My ass is underappreciated
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
