i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize