So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
