Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize