No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
