90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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