hotel room ftw
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
