someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
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