He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
