I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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